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Attack of the Burma Shavers
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Liam Wescott- 11:19 am PST - Oct 21, 2000
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote
Just to lighten things up a bit:

A few years back, myself and a friend were helping out on a political campaign. One day we got bored and started coming up with Burma-Shave type verses about our candidate and her opponent. For those either too young to remember or who have forgotten, the Burma Shave company used to put up little signs along the highway that extolled their product. There are lots of websites out there to give you an idea of what they were all about.

So I've come up with a few of my own about this campaign:


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Ferguson Foont - 11:23 am PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #1 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

She thought that Nader

Was really swell.

Bush won the vote.

Now she's in hell.

Busha Shave. 
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Liam Wescott - 11:25 am PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #2 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Why vote for the Shrub
Since we fired his Daddy?
If Shrub's dad couldn't cut it
Then don't hire the Laddy!

Integrity and honesty ought to be
In the character of those we elect
But to quote that comedian Rodney
Shrub gives us no respect!

George Jr. uses the "A" word,
Mark Fuhrman prefers the "N"
On a scale of moral leadership?
They both rate Minus Ten!

Repost these as you like, bring them to your local Dem HQ, just be sure to give me credit as well as my friend Neal Matson for his contributions. I can come up with more, I'm sure, and I am quite certain that the very creative people on this discussion forum can add their $0.02 as well.

Liam 
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SheRa- 11:32 am PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #3 of 247

Don't hurt my boy His Mommy cries Afraid he'll be hit When Al Gore sighs.

But Georgie lives in a house of glass cause he's perfectly happy to call another a Major League Ass 
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Captain Billy - 11:57 am PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #4 of 247
"I may have left the White House, but Iím still here!" ? WILLIAM JEFFERSON CLINTON, The last person to be elected President of the US.

Bush and Gore give us lies and stuff, Nader's the one who is tuff enuff..... 
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Davis X. Machina - 12:04 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #5 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

Bush is Dumb?
It Doesn't Matter
My Bottom Line
Is Growing Fatter
Burma Shave
 
 

My favorite Vietnam-era jingle illustrates the fact that in Nam there were no RE's for REMF's to inhabit...

Don't Bunch Up
As You Stroll About
Or You'll Be Picking
The Fragments Out

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Jerome Wilkes - 12:06 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #6 of 247
A Scholar Gypsy

The day's at hand,
When Bush must plop
Back to Austin
To rot in slop.

Let Mama shout and rave
About Son Dubya's real cute ways.
Perhaps she cannot see
His mind's perennial daze.

A mother ever loves a lout,
She cradled him in days of yore.
But now she cannot understand
Why compare he can't with Albert Gore. 
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Davis X. Machina - 12:11 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #7 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

I have no clue
I have no shame
I haven't much
But my daddy's name. 
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Maria S. - 12:19 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #8 of 247
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bickerer....Alcee Hastings

i'm just like you
have a plan
thunk it up
while on the can

you shouldn't trust
the government
especially if
i'm president

now i think
i'll take a nap
or read a book
on mommy's lap

Burma Shave 
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Davis X. Machina - 12:23 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #9 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

Type the letters br between angle brackets <> at the end of each line... 
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Ferguson Foont - 12:29 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #10 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

George W. Bush

Gets an erection.

When thinking of

Lethal injection.

Busha Shave 
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Maria S. - 12:32 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #11 of 247
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bickerer....Alcee Hastings

Thanks Davis X. I'll try to edit my verse now. 
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Davis X. Machina - 12:33 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #12 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

Shoudn't we be "Myanmar Shavers"?

(Sorry. It's the schoolteacher in me...) 
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Liam Wescott - 12:35 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #13 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Ferguson Foont 10/21/00 12:29pm

Good one, FF, good one.

LMAO!!!

Liam 
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Ferguson Foont - 12:38 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #14 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

In the debates

Bush sniffs and fidgets

'Cause his IQ's

In single digits.

Busha Shave 
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A. Herbst - 12:41 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #15 of 247
They made a desert and called it victory.

When things get tough, I take a lam

When money can be had, I work a scam

But trust me now

Cause I got this here plan

Burma Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 12:41 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #16 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

George Bush asks, "Is

"Our children learning?"

But when he thinks

You smell circuits burning.

Busha Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 12:43 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #17 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

George has a plan

For all this crap,

But first he has

To take a nap.

Busha Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 12:45 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #18 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

George says he trusts you
But you know that he's lyin'
You don't matter one bit to him
Because it's your ass he'll be fryin'

Burma Shave 
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Maria S. - 12:50 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #19 of 247
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bickerer....Alcee Hastings

Beloved by Cokie
Bernie and Schneider
Cause he's a uniter
Not a divider

Burma Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 12:57 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #20 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Shrub says he trusts us!
But we know he's a liar
It's not us he trusts
It is the Vote Buyer!

Burma Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 01:02 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #21 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

When voting this November
Do not forget what he said
"Honor and Intergrity, I promise!
A pledge he'll leave dead!

Burma Shave 
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dsduryea- 01:11 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #22 of 247
I never realized there was such a large Jews for Buchanan Bund in Palm Beach.

The media is bought and sold

No one will get hurt

If you do as told

Busha Slave 
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Ellen McLean - 01:11 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #23 of 247
A vote stolen from one of us is stolen from all of us.

Texas has a governor
Who naps most every day
He took the surplus we once had
And pissed it all away.

Burma Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 01:53 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #24 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Shrub's got a brain
Or so some have said
But when I hear him talk
I think he's full of lead!

Burma Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 01:56 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #25 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

George Bush, he believes,

'Cause he learned it by rote,

That it isn't "One man..."

It's "One dollar, one vote."

Busha Shave 
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Davis X. Machina - 02:01 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #26 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

The air in Houston

 Is thick as soup

 Was Our Boy Georgie

 In the loop? 
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Ferguson Foont - 02:10 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #27 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

Drill ever for oil.

That's what Bush bin pushin'.

He'll turn our great land

Into one big pincushion.

Busha Shave 
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Maria S. - 02:18 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #28 of 247
I'm sorry, but I'm going to be a bickerer....Alcee Hastings

It's okay to bumble
As long as you're humble
Just shuffle your feet
And try to look sweet

If you make a mistake
Folks will give you a break
Everything will be cool
As long as you don't drool

Debate Prep Burma Shave 
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A. Herbst - 03:08 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #29 of 247
They made a desert and called it victory.

You all should do limericks next. 
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Kim sayers - 03:14 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #30 of 247
He's not MY president.

There once was a dummy from Texas
Who promised to lower the taxes
But he doesn't care
'Less you're a millionaire
And if you are not you get axes.

Uh

Burma Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 03:20 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #31 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

"Compassionate Conservative"
Or so we have been told
But when I look in his heart
I see a stone, very cold!

Burma Shave 
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Kim sayers - 03:28 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #32 of 247
He's not MY president.

We looked at his heart
And saw Karla Faye
We looked at his head
Where hypocrisy lay
We looked at his nose
His "fun hatch" they say
We looked at the ballot
And voted "No Way"!

Burma Shave 
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MECowan- 10:18 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #33 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

The pundits watch
Poll numbers rise.
Election Day
--Surprise, surprise!

Burma Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 10:32 pm PST - Oct 21, 2000  - #34 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

George Dubya turned

White as a ghost

When he picked up

This morning's Post.

Busha Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 12:23 am PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #35 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Shrub for Prez?
Surely you jest!
He's not our man
He's like all the rest!

Burma Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 11:40 am PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #36 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

Bush for prez?

You bite your tongue!

The man's as dumb

As turkey dung.

Busha Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 03:27 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #37 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Vote your head, not your heart
When it comes to Mr. Nader
Cuz when push comes to shove
He's Ralphie "See-You-Later"

Burma Shave 
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spiff- 03:41 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #38 of 247

Those uninformed say Gore's smart
 
 

but his Graduate scores weren't worth a fart.
 
 

While Bush FINISHED Harvard with an MBA
 
 

Gore was blowing it in a big way
 
 

He FAILED out of Divinity School and Vanderbilt Law
 
 

In sum, his 'Intellectual' House is made of straw.
 
 

Bubba Shave
 
 

Stick that in your crack pipes and smoke it you freakin' Gore-ons!
 
 

No More Gore! No More Gore! No More Gore! 
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spiff- 03:58 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #39 of 247

Lie after lie
and one lie more,
he can't help it
he's Al Gore.
 
 

Bubba Shave
 
 

No More Gore!! No More Gore!! No More Gore!! 
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Douglas Wiken - 04:34 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #40 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.

Yesterday's lies
Support today's lies
Foundations for tomorrow's lies
The best lies Bush money buys.

Dubbya Shave. 
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spiff- 06:26 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #41 of 247

Gore! Gore!
He's our man!
If he can't socialize us...
No one can!
 
 

Bubba Shave
 
 

Bubba = Bill Clinton, Al Gore's impeached lying, raping, treasonous mentor. 
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Ferguson Foont - 06:26 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #42 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

The Freepers rave,

"Al Gore's a liar!"

Then why have THEIR pants

Caught on fire?

Busha Shave 
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MECowan- 07:10 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #43 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Larry Flynt
Has spoken truth
Recall it in
The voting booth.

Burma Shave 
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Gar Lipow - 07:25 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #44 of 247
"Believe nothing until it is officially denied" Claude Cockburn

 
Gore (the stick), and Bush (the shrub) 
Long ago both popped the drug. 
Now both, without hesitation or fail, 
Send those who do the same to jail. 
So without a rant or rave, 
Methinks this leads to NADER SHAVE.
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spiff- 09:16 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #45 of 247

If they had shame
The Dems would die
'cuz on Flynt's shit
their last hopes lie.
 
 

Bubba Shave
 
 

I'm sitting here, laughing in derision, that the Gore-ons are actually hoping a child molesting (he molested his own daughter), misogynist, crotch-obsessed slug like Flynt can be the key to the election of their candidate. How could it be more obvious that you freakin' Democrat retards are on the wrong side of this contest!? 
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Douglas Wiken - 09:37 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #46 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.

David Schipper
did one for the Gipper
but he had a wife too
for that he is dog doo.
dubbya shave 
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Liam Wescott - 11:16 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000  - #47 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Al Gore went to 'Nam
Shrub stayed right here
Al did his duty
Shrub's not so clear!

Dubya Shave 
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Ellen McLean - 12:50 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #48 of 247
A vote stolen from one of us is stolen from all of us.

Shrub does lots of fuzzy math

Social Security takes a bath,

Billionaires will get their trillion,

While Texas Justice keeps on killin'.

Burma Shave 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:03 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #49 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Greens think 5% will get

Lots of money in their kit.

But Matching Funds will go

to Nader only, not Greens, no.

Burma Shave! 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:05 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #50 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

How can you

Green Parties Build

When the money goes

in NADER's till?

Burma-Shave 
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Douglas Wiken - 08:06 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #51 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


Get your's
What's in it for me?
What could be better
Than Bush Baby.


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Nancy Richardson - 08:12 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #52 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

HE DOESN'T DIVIDE

OR READ A GRAPH...

HE'S HOOKED ON PHONICS

AND FUZZY MATH....

Berma Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 08:21 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #53 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

"Flynt molests children,"

The Freepers sing.

They'd best take care...

That's Dubya's thing.

Busha Shave 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:24 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #54 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Hey, it even scans! Good on you, Fergy! 
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Nancy Richardson - 08:25 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #55 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

ABORTION ILLEGAL...

EXCEPT FOR THE RICH...

LOOK AT THE RECORD...

FACTS ARE A BITCH.

BURMA SHAVE 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:26 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #56 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Being from Minnesota (home of Burma-Shave), I feel I must try to acquit myself well in this rhyming contest.

Here goes another one:

Run on my record?

Can't do that.

If I did, you'd pick

The Democrat.

Burma-Shave 
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Nancy Richardson - 08:27 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #57 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

SOCCER MOMS

VOTERS WHO SWING

KEEP CHANGING THEIR MINDS

ITS THE LATEST THING. 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:28 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #58 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Here's an authentic Burma-Shave jingle, by the way:

Round the curve

Lickety-split

Beautiful car

Wasn't it

Burma-Shave

(From The Verse by the Side of the Road, a collection of all the Burma-Shave slogans.) 
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Nancy Richardson - 08:29 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #59 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

HE'S A LEADER

HE SAYS HE'LL UNITE

HE DOESN'T DIVIDE...

My ass you can bite. 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:34 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #60 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

This isn't an 'official' Burma-Shave site, but it'll do for now:

<http://www.fiftiesweb.com/burma.htm>

Every so often the Odells would get a little frisky with their sloganeering, which led to unexpected results.

For instance, far too many people actually responded to the gag slogan

FREE OFFER! FREE OFFER!

RIP A FENDER

OFF YOUR CAR

SEND IT IN FOR

A HALF-POUND JAR

Burma-Shave 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:36 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #61 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

And let's not even go into what happened when a Wisconsin Red Owl grocery store owner decided to take up the Odells on this proposal:

FREE! FREE!

A TRIP

TO MARS

FOR 900

EMPTY JARS

Burma-Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 08:38 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #62 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

"Real Plans for Real People."

This is his "idea."

But to me it just sounds like

Bush brain diarrhea.

Busha Shave 
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Phoenix Woman - 08:39 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #63 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

All right! The definitive Burma-Shave book is out in paperback!

The Verse by the Side of the Road
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spiff- 10:02 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #64 of 247

Gore went to 'Nam
to see the sights
and his babysitters kept him
out of all firefights
 
 

The son of the Senator
from Tennesee
Was a REMF 'journalist'
don't you see...
 
 

But to gain
a poll point or two
he came up with another whopper
just for guys like you.
 
 

He said once in 'Nam
he came under fire -
then later had to retract
proving he's a liar.
 
 

So when someone tells you
that Gore is a vet -
Just remember that it's one of
his biggest lies yet.
 
 

Bubba Shave.
 
 

If the pic doesn't work, see it at http://www.geocities.com/stankulp/AlGore.gif. Any vet who sees this pic will immediately understand Gore for the moron he is.
 
 

Also...
 
 

Al Gore in Vietnam AL GORE IN VIET NAM Having posted a little tickler in last week's Digest about Al Gore's 141 days in Vietnam," The Federalist Editorial Board was inundated with inquiries from Vietnam vets. Most went something like this: "Gore claimed in his convention speech: 'I enlisted in the Army because I knew if I didn't go, someone else in the small town of Carthage, Tennessee would have to go in my place.' Since he wasn't KIA or wounded, how was it that his Army tour was far shorter than all the rest of us?" Our astute veteran readers took the bait! Gore's campaign launched a multimillion-dollar ad campaign this week to tell his "life story." The ads will include references to his service" in Vietnam-however brief. Gore spent less than five months of a typical twelve-month tour in Vietnam. He spent every minute of his "tour" as a "rear-echelon...." (call any combat veteran and they can complete that phrase for you). He was classified as a military journalist after telling recruiters he was a newspaper trainee" (read "copy boy") for the New York Times while a student at Harvard. He was assigned as a noncombatant "information specialist" to the Army's 20th Engineers Brigade headquarters at Bien Hoa military base near Saigon. Gore's immediate supervisor in Vietnam has confirmed that his posting there came with explicit instructions to baby-sit him and make sure he was never in any danger. That fact notwithstanding, Gore has claimed to the Washington Post that he was "shot at" and "spent most of my time in the field." He later told the Baltimore Sun that "[I] pulled my turn on the perimeter at night and walked through the elephant grass and I was fired upon." He has since backed off these exaggerated claims. On May 22, 1971, not five months into his "tour of duty," Gore was given special dispensation and a one-way ticket home to attend divinity school in Nashville. He dropped out of Vanderbilt shortly thereafter. As for the seven months cut from Gore's tour of duty in Vietnam, we suppose "someone else in the small town of Carthage, Tennessee" had to finish his tour "in his place."

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Ferguson Foont - 10:15 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #65 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

The Governor's Dad

Got him in the Guard

But even that

Proved much to hard.

Busha Shave 
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spiff- 11:09 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #66 of 247

Gore's 141 REMF days
doesn't even compare
to the 5 years Bush
served in the Air.
 
 

Bush trained on and flew
F102 Fighter Jets
and, about his service,
Bush has no regrets.
 
 

Gore, on the other hand
because of weakness, mental
could only qualify
to pilot a pencil.
 
 

The document is on Air Force letterhead, dated 7 October 1968. ''The Secretary of the Air Force has directed me to inform you that, by direction of the President, you are tendered an indefinite term appointment as a Reserve officer of the Air Force.''

He trained until June 1970, then assumed reserve status in the Texas Air National Guard, flying F-102 fighters out of Ellington Air Force Base. George W. Bush was 23, a first lieutenant.
 
 

George W. Bush requested a discharge from the Texas Air National Guard on 5 Sept. 73 after serving for 3 years. After being granted an Honorable Discharge, he went to Harvard and completed a Masters in Business Administration.
 
 

Gore, on the other hand, served only 141 days and was able, as a Senator's Son, to get released from duty to attend and flunk Divinity school.
 
 
 
 


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D H100 - 11:16 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #67 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

Phoenix Woman 10/23/00 8:36am

Legend has it that the person in question was sent to Mars... Italy. 
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Ferguson Foont - 11:52 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #68 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

Had you, like Bush,

Not shown for duty

They'd up and jailed

Your sweet patootie.

Busha Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 11:58 am PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #69 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

In 'Nam, Gore served

With honor and pride

While George Bush found

Someplace to hide.

Busha Shave 
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Ann EO - 04:06 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #70 of 247
I"The Washington Monument appeared ghostly through the gloom" 1/20/01 WP D. Milbank__ L-OATH-E of Officee

bump 
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Ann EO - 04:15 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #71 of 247
I"The Washington Monument appeared ghostly through the gloom" 1/20/01 WP D. Milbank__ L-OATH-E of Officee

By presidential order he'd decree
Democracy not to be
In our national interest
No more Bushes

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Ann EO - 04:20 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #72 of 247
I"The Washington Monument appeared ghostly through the gloom" 1/20/01 WP D. Milbank__ L-OATH-E of Officee

The man who would be president...Bush
Religious Right buddies and NRA pals
Would rule the day
But you'd rue the day
Greenie bushes

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Douglas Wiken - 07:57 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #73 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


The Yellow Bush of Texas
went AWOL from the Guard.
Papa saved his sorry ass
from years ina a prison yard.


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MECowan- 08:01 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #74 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Al Gore may bulge,
Al Gore may sigh.
He'll still be Prez
'Cause he's our guy!

Burma Shave 
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Douglas Wiken - 08:01 pm PST - Oct 23, 2000  - #75 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


Savings and Loan
Government Guarantee
Bitch and Moan
Bush son stayed free.
<HE> 
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Ferguson Foont - 10:50 am PST - Oct 24, 2000  - #76 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

If we listen

To pundits

On CNN

We won't have

A pot to be

Peein' in.
 

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Douglas Wiken - 10:56 am PST - Oct 24, 2000  - #77 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


Bush Shrub
Weed scrub
Smirking bub
Babes in hot tub


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Douglas Wiken - 11:00 am PST - Oct 24, 2000  - #78 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


North of the Border
Up Texas way.
Too much lethal injector
The Shrub Bush way.
---- Dubbya Shave

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Kim sayers - 11:12 am PST - Oct 24, 2000  - #79 of 247
He's not MY president.

The Yellow Bush from Texas
(To the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas)

There's a Yellow Bush from Texas
That I am gonna see
He'll babble like a moron
Right there on my TeeVee.
And when his specs are smudgey
He'll grab producer ass
And wipe his glasses quickly
Oh man, this guy is crass!

He'd drop his bombs on Yemen
To avenge our boat
No matter if they done it
Don't give this guy your vote.

He'll give big bucks to rich guys
The hell with all the rest
On everything that matters
He fails to pass the test. 
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Phoenix Woman - 11:42 am PST - Oct 24, 2000  - #80 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

DH 100, the town was actually Moers, Germany. It was the best the Odells could do, in the pre-NASA era. (This was back when the NYT still hadn't retracted its dissing of Robert Goddard's 'impossible' claim that rockets could operate in a vaccum. Oh, yes, they can, as was demonstrated in the late 1950s.)

Invest in Gore

And you will earn

On your ballot vote

A fine return.

PhoenixShave 
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Ellen McLean - 10:51 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #81 of 247
A vote stolen from one of us is stolen from all of us.

Texas kids go up with TASS
Nationally they loose their ass
Bush learns his policy by rote
Never thinks, just gives a quote.
BurmaShave 
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Phoenix Woman - 11:13 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #82 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

'Teach to the test'!

That's what

Bush said

That's no way

To get ahead

Busha-Shave 
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Ferguson Foont - 11:20 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #83 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

Bush thinks he's got

"Miracle Schools."

If you believe that,

Rand says you're fools.
 

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Pete Hisey - 11:27 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #84 of 247
The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of the government by (a private power). FDR

Some drive cars
Some drive trucks
George W. Bush
Is a stupid fuck

Five-nine is your height
One-sixty your weight
You cash in your chips
On November 8

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Pete Hisey - 11:50 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #85 of 247
The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of the government by (a private power). FDR

He's not much

At elocution

But boy is he good

At execution

DumbyaShave! 
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MECowan- 11:50 am PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #86 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Gore can't lose,
Bush can't win.
November 7
Our guy's in. 
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Pete Hisey - 12:26 pm PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #87 of 247
The liberty of a democracy is not safe if the people tolerate the growth of private power to a point where it becomes stronger than their democratic state itself. That, in its essence, is fascism--ownership of the government by (a private power). FDR

Roses are red

Violets are blue

George W. Bush

Is dumber than you.

He'll fall off the wagon

When he finds he can't win out

Some teenage girl will be gaggin'

While he does the old in-out.

Smirkya Shave 
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Aisling Donnal - 01:22 pm PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #88 of 247
GWB: Memo to self: Award Presidential Medal of Freedom to Ralph Nader

To execute
guys from the hood
gets me off
gives me wood
 
 

bushshave 
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Ferguson Foont - 05:02 pm PST - Oct 25, 2000  - #89 of 247
Republicans whine and Republicans bitch: "Our rich are too poor, and our poor are too rich!"

Folks in Texas would have

A real cause

To rejoice

If all of

Life's questions

Were multiple choice.
 

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Phoenix Woman - 08:56 am PST - Oct 26, 2000  - #90 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Free! Free!

A Texas trip

For the

King of

Nasal drip

SnortaShave 
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Douglas Wiken - 09:39 am PST - Oct 26, 2000  - #91 of 247
Republican "Virtue" follows money--no matter how it was stolen.


Pity poor Shrub Bush
His brain is mush
and too obvious
most often up his tush.

Dubbya Shave
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Davis X. Machina - 11:35 am PST - Oct 26, 2000  - #92 of 247
Sen. Gene McCarthy on moderate Republicans, "Theyíre the ones who when seeing a man drowning fifteen feet off shore will toss him a ten foot rope, and say that they have gone more than half way."

He had a chance
to ice this race
but now the egg
is on Shrub's face

Burma Shave 
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Purcell Edgar - 05:30 pm PST - Oct 28, 2000  - #93 of 247
I know what the word "media" means. It's plural for "mediocre." -- Rocky Bridges

While the candidates
continue to stump
I believe this thread
is due for a "bump."

--Burma Shave 
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MECowan- 05:34 pm PST - Oct 28, 2000  - #94 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Cheney's business
Made big bucks
From slave labor.
That news sucks.

Myanmar Shave 
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Liam Wescott - 05:44 am PST - Oct 29, 2000  - #95 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Not exactly a Burma Shave, but it fits ...

To the tune of TLC's song, "No Scrubs"

No Shrub

The Shrub is a guy who thinks heís smart
But I know heís a total dumb-dumb
Always talkiní like he donít think at all
And I know that heís just a dumbass!

So (no)

I donít want your nonsense (no)
I ainít gonna vote for you (no)
I donít need you in DC (no)
I want you outta my sight (no)

Chorus:

I donít want no Shrub
The Shrub is a guy that I wonít support
Hanging out with his Poppyís friends
Who tell him what to say
Trying to play his games on me
I donít want no Shrub
The Shrub is a guy that I wonít support
Hanging out with his Poppyís friends
Who always tell him what to say
Trying to play his games on me

But the Shrub is going down
And his mind is really weak
And I know that he cannot have me
Cuz Iím better than that and heís looking like toast
Canít vote for no idiot like that

So (no)

I donít want your nonsense (no)
I ainít gonna vote for you (no)
I donít need you in DC (no)
I want you outta my sight (no)

Youíre so dumb that you canít talk
Oh yes Shrub, Iím talking to you
Without your Poppy by your side
Oh yes Shrub Iím talking to you
You totally suck up to your Poppy
Oh yes Shrub, Iím talking to you
And youíre such a Mommaís boy

No Shrub!

Chorus 3x

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C.B. Hagman - 03:45 pm PST - Nov 7, 2000  - #96 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

I love that! 
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C.B. Hagman - 03:53 pm PST - Nov 7, 2000  - #97 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Young George is so saintly

And committed no crimes.

At least that's what I read

In the Washington Times.

Burma Shave.
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C.B. Hagman - 10:27 am PST - Nov 8, 2000  - #98 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Ralph claims to be

A flippin' saint

But a look at his deeds

Reveals he ain't.

Burma Shave.
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Mike Corrigan - 05:47 pm PST - Nov 9, 2000  - #99 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

Checked My Ballot
Got Confused
Better Bust Out
My Funeral Shoes

Burma Shave 
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Shaheen- 07:00 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #100 of 247
www.thehungersite.com Donate food to the hungry with a simple mouseclick.

The votes were bad

It's in the news

Now I've got

The election blues 
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AndreaCG- 07:02 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #101 of 247
Somewhere, Joseph Heller is shaking his head sadly.

Collective nightmare

Memories calm

Enshrine the madness

In County Palm

Burma Shave

(Never again) 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:06 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #102 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

We went to vote

But got befuddled.

Don't blame us if

The country's muddled.

Burma Shave.
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Nancy Richardson - 07:09 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #103 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

I got vote...

I got to choose.

My guy won...

and we all lose. 
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Nancy Richardson - 07:10 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #104 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

It only hurts

when you think

surrender to Bush.

ignore the stink. 
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Shaheen- 07:11 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #105 of 247
www.thehungersite.com Donate food to the hungry with a simple mouseclick.

On the news

Was Robert Dole

Saying Bush won

He's lost his soul 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:52 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #106 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

<Off topic>

Nancy, your quote from Utopia is devastatingly appropriate for this election season. Okay, it's appropriate for any season in this country. The Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

Back to the Burma Shave signs! 
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Shaheen- 08:25 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #107 of 247
www.thehungersite.com Donate food to the hungry with a simple mouseclick.

Once upon a time

An election was stolen

Repugs say they're not guilty

But they did the crime 
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C.B. Hagman - 08:29 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #108 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

The people spoke

And the people voted.

And the following day

The country exploded!

Burma Shave.
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Red Wood - 09:19 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #109 of 247

'Publicrats

Demmicans

Such a bore

Vote

Harry Browne

in 2004

LibertyShave! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 09:31 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #110 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Roses are red
Tantrums are Schrubby
I'd rather be dead
Than vote for a 'Pubby. 
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MECowan- 09:32 am PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #111 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Election fraud

Beyond belief

Can't accept

Commander-in-Thief 
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C.B. Hagman - 12:53 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #112 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

LOL, MEC! 
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Lynda- 01:45 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #113 of 247

LYNDA

I am a new subscriber to Table Talk. Here is my Burma Shave poem:

Good ol' Al dropped Bill C. Then "W" and Poppy trimmed Al's tree-- Now Poppy says, "Son, take the helm-- And give ol' Bill a smack for me! 
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C.B. Hagman - 01:50 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #114 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Ol' Barbara Bush

Is known for pearls.

Her offspring, though,

Are nutty as squirrels.

Burma Shave.
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G Steller - 03:26 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #115 of 247
That's MRS. Bitch, to you.

I'm new to D.C. Just have a seat, You'll soon be feeling lots of heat. . . . .I've brought my switch, I've brought my chair, And an overabundance of very hot air. . . . Burn-a Slave! 
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Mike Corrigan - 04:29 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #116 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

Voters missed.
Ballot twist.
Voters pissed.
Upraised fist...

...Recount this!

Close Shave 
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Mike Corrigan - 04:45 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #117 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

Hey, I been elected,
Now whaddya say?
Got my Cab'net selected,
Get outta my way!

Bumma Shave 
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Mike Corrigan - 04:49 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #118 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

It takes Real Texans
To steal elections. 
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Mike Corrigan - 04:54 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #119 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

The Dems' Al Gore
Campaigns No More.

G. Dubya Bush...
Beer Hall Putsch?

Germa Nyshave 
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Mark D McGothigan - 05:00 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #120 of 247

The Presidential Hillbillies

Come listen to the story of a guv named Jeb

A poor politician - helped his brother get ahead.

Every day George sez: I'm just another dude,

But up from the ground came a bubblin crude.

Oil that is, Black gold, Texas Tea.

Well of course you know old Jeb's a millionaire

His kinfolk said: Jeb get the vote out here.

They said Florida's the place you oughta be,

So they left Kennebunkport and moved to Tallahassee.

Butterfly ballots that is, missing boxes, police cars.

Young George moved in the W House and drank

He signed all new laws in the lobbies of the bank,

Lotsa folks objected, but the pres'dent found no fault,

'Cause Bush's campaign billions was a-layin' in the vault

Cash, that is! Capital gains, privatized SS money!

Well now it's time to say goodbye to Jeb and all his kin

Al would like to thank you folks fer droppin' yer votes in.

You're all invited back to vote for this plutocracy,

T'have a heapin' helpin' of their hypocrisy.

Integrity, that is! Fry an inmate, Take your shoes off!

Y'all come back, here!

The Presidential Hillbillies: George W(easel) as Jethro Uncle Jeb as himself Neil as Mr. Drysdale Fannie Mae as Ellie Mae Barbara as Grannie Rerun guest star George Sr. 
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Leo Carr - 06:51 pm PST - Nov 10, 2000  - #121 of 247
OBSERVATIONS OF A "LURKER"

"Liam Wescott " Sorry am not creative enough to contribute but this thread is great comic relief, thanks one and all. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 02:48 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #122 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Well, it's not Burma Shave either but I just thought of this little ditty from a Mitch Miller album -- ages ago . For the "pathetic" elders in Florida...

"Be kind to your web-footed friends

For a duck may be somebody's mother.

Be kind to your friends in the swamp,

Where the weather is very very Dahmp.

Now you may think that this is the end;

Well it is."

(Sung to the tune of "Star Spangled Banner"). 
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MECowan- 07:08 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #123 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Caitlin, I remember my dad singing that to me when I was too little to realize it was a joke. Thanks!

The tune, however, isn't "The Star Spangled Banner." It's a Sousa march, "The Stars and Stripes Forever." (I think; I had to look up a list of Sousa marches to jog the ol' memory.) 
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Red Wood - 07:12 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #124 of 247

We know

The Winners!

Here they are:

Cartoonists

Columnists

Big Media

MoreNewstoshave! 
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Nancy Richardson - 07:14 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #125 of 247
A man without as much mental agility as a lump of lead or a block of wood,a man whose utter stupidity is only paralleled by his immorality,can have lots of people at his beck & call,just because he happens to possess a large pile of gold.T.MoreUtopia

Caitland---

Stars and Stripes forever...as per...Sing Along With Mitch (Miller) the man who stopped Columbia Records from signing on to Rock N Roll. 
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Tina Kramer - 09:42 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #126 of 247
Put Marvin Miller in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Ironically enough though, Mitch Miller was a staunch Democrat. In fact, I think he was a Clinton supporter. 
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Red Wood - 09:47 am PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #127 of 247

The People's Will

Is none too plain

Let's hope

It's clear

By next campaign

Futureshave! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 01:16 pm PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #128 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Ouch! Thanks Nancy and ME, of course you are right. It is "the Stars and Stripes Forever". (Luckily, I don't vote the kind of hours I usually post...)

A site for Sousa. 
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eve worth- 04:26 pm PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #129 of 247
be present not tense

The people's will
is plain as day
Bushies go home
is what we say...
 
 

(frothyshave) 
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Mike Corrigan - 05:01 pm PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #130 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

The margin now is four
Down in New Mexico;
But who're th' electors for?
Contel, Texaco...

Big Burma Business Shave 
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Tina Kramer - 05:11 pm PST - Nov 11, 2000  - #131 of 247
Put Marvin Miller in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

That Gore has won

I have no doubt

But patience, all

For truth will out. 
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Ellen Hampton - 12:28 am PST - Nov 12, 2000  - #132 of 247

A diversion from burma shave to limerick:

An absentee voter from Florida

Is starting to get even worrieder

To count or not count

To vote or not vote

It should have been pretty straightforwarder.

Through chaos a solution is clear

While change is a sacrifice dear

Cancel the college

Remove it from knowledge

And elections will warrant a cheer. 
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Shaheen- 08:18 am PST - Nov 12, 2000  - #133 of 247
www.thehungersite.com Donate food to the hungry with a simple mouseclick.

"Viagra Bob" Dole

Looking like a cadaver

Was on "This Week"

Spouting Bush's palaver

DuhhbyaShave! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 12:03 pm PST - Nov 12, 2000  - #134 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Okay,this one is to "The Whiffenpoof Song" (for sure):

I'm a poor little chad that went astray
Baa, baaa, baa
Failed to dislodge Election Day
Baa, baa, baaa
Elderly voter, so out to lunch
Landed me here -- with a "pregnant" punch --
Now I am in the uncounted bunch
Baa, baaa, baa.

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MECowan- 12:35 pm PST - Nov 12, 2000  - #135 of 247
Republican's Syndrome: A neurological disorder characterized by spontaneous, uncontrollable outbursts of mind-boggling hypocrisy

Caitline, that's HILARIOUS!!!! 
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R. Kell - 09:12 pm PST - Nov 12, 2000  - #136 of 247

Republicans have starting believing their hype, Nixon, honorable? Who could believe such tripe? Self-delusion and low IQ's are always their way, Making it rain on everyone's sun-shiny day. They're making a list of who's naughty and nice, Don't rock the boat else they'll check your name twice. If lying doesn't win, they'll find a way, To hide their hypocracy every day. When election day comes, a button I'll push, But never a Republican, or even a Bush.

DUBYeehashave (good to his mother and hand picked by God) Shrub. 
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Fnord- 09:38 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #137 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Gore's got his knickers twisted
He's whining like a kid
Called on Daley to fix the vote
Just like HIS daddy did.

Gorey Shave. 
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C.B. Hagman - 10:37 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #138 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Caitlin and Mark, your take-offs on, respectively, "The Whiffenpoof Song" and "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" (or whatever the theme from The Beverly Hillbillies is called) are side-splitting. You can take on the Capitol Steps and Mark Russell any day (and I love the CS and MR). 
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Phoenix Woman - 10:42 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #139 of 247
"Incredibly, Mr. Nader has said that, if forced to choose, he would vote for Mr. Bush -- presumably as more likely to cause a backlash in the environment's favor." RFK Jr., environmental activist, 08/10/00 NYT

Steal Flor. for Shrub?

Jeb says

"No prob!

That'll be Xavier

Suarez' job!"

ThiefaShave 
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C.B. Hagman - 10:54 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #140 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

The major networks all

Have egg on their faces.

Who botched Florida's vote?

Hey! Let's blame Marisleysis.

Burma Shave.
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D H100 - 10:57 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #141 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

Reproductive rights decided

by leering right wing harpies

When in this quandry

be sure to tell Ralphie

Ratfuck-ya Shave 
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Fnord- 10:59 am PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #142 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Gore was the heir-apparent
He thought that he was due it
His Florida voters, we now know,
Were dumb enough to screw it.

Gorey Shave 
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Fnord- 12:17 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #143 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Algore felt entitled
The job was his by right
But the Dauphin's vic'try march
Was spoiled on Tuesday night.

Gorey Shave 
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Fnord- 01:13 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #144 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Algore is the Veep now,
The Prez, he wants to be it
But the U.S. voters say
"Al, we'll not let you see it."

Gorey Shave 
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D H100 - 01:16 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #145 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

The GOP'ers shiver

Scared to count

But demand the throne

As theirs to mount

Wingnut Shave 
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D H100 - 01:19 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #146 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

Shrub was promised

He'd be prez

When asked why

He stammered, 'Daddy said!!!'

Shrubby Shave 
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Fnord- 01:32 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #147 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

The presidential election
Hung by a suspender.
If Algore takes the throne,
He'll be, "Al the Pretender."

Gorey Shave 
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D H100 - 01:33 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #148 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

The popular vote

He's already lost

Florida he'll fudge

To get in at any cost

Fnordy Shave 
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Fnord- 01:35 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #149 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

When Al was a new daddy,
He was the children's burper
But if he gets inaugurated
He'll be "Al the Usurper."

Gorey Shave. 
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D H100 - 01:38 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #150 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

Although he's lost the popular

With the electorial Shrub still jiggers

That if Al takes FL he just WINS

Some people are too addled to figure

Fnordy Shave 
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Fnord- 01:56 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #151 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

hee hee 
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(Deleted message originally posted by Caitlin Griswold on 03:53 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000)

Mike Corrigan - 07:28 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #153 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

Gore, Bush... Bush, Gore:
Each makes an awkward cutup ó
What are elections for,
If neither side will shut up? 
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Fnord- 08:04 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #154 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

This is fun. Here's another.

The election's not quite over
The difference is a hair
But Al should have no worries
Vote-fixer Daley's there.

Gorey Shave 
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Fnord- 08:06 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #155 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

One more....

Bill's still in the White House
Not thinking like a slob
In his mind, the gears still turn,
"How can I keep my job?"

Bubba Shave 
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Fnord- 08:11 pm PST - Nov 13, 2000  - #156 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

The season is upon us
Algore will be all merry
Boss Daley will provide the votes
From the cemetery.

Daley Shave 
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Fnord- 08:54 am PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #157 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

George Bush is down in Austin
His fingers are all crossed
He can't control Boss Daley's moves
To have his votes all tossed.

Daley Shave 
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C.B. Hagman - 09:15 am PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #158 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

GOP will probably run the show.

"Not our fault," the Naderites yelp.

Head Start scuttled, OSHA hogtied.

Ralphie, thank you for your "help."

Burma Shave.
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Fnord- 11:05 am PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #159 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Not too shabby there, C.B. 
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Catherine Danielson - 02:37 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #160 of 247
To see the shocking evidence of vote fraud in Tennessee...http://www.nashvilleinsanity.com.

Bull Connor doesn't Look so bad He didn't have a Sleazy dad He said he was racist So he never lied And he had no DUI's.

Burmashave. 
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Fnord- 02:42 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #161 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

Hmmmm, no.

Try again. 
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Dan Sikorski - 03:28 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #162 of 247
We get the government we deserve. Whether this is good or bad remains to be seen.

'Twixt fibs of Gore

and smirks of Bush

Their parties can

Just kiss my tush

Fed-up Shave

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Fnord- 03:37 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #163 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

I like it! 
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Dan Sikorski - 05:54 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #164 of 247
We get the government we deserve. Whether this is good or bad remains to be seen.

Oh, don't encourage me, Fnord. I just might keep coming up with these things. :)

"My vote don't count"

One used to hear

I bet you won't

After this year.

Ballot Shave

I don't know why

They want this job

Considering

The Congress mob

Gridlock Shave

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Fnord- 08:56 pm PST - Nov 14, 2000  - #165 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

The season's long
The days are short
Will our next Prez
Be picked in court?

Legal Shave 
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Fnord- 09:11 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #166 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

The count is in
But Gore's not won
It's time for
Another one

Gorey Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 09:16 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #167 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

A Smirk in waiting
to beginnit
begrudges every
bloody minute.

Burma Shave 
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Fnord- 09:24 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #168 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

pretty good.

Daley is his daddy's child
He knows just how to do it
If the count won't go your way
Just add some dead guys to it

Daley Shave 
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C.B. Hagman - 10:48 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #169 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Fnord, your tendency to pass judgment on the posters here is every bit as annoying as a cell phone at the theater. 
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juliajenniegillespie- 10:57 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #170 of 247
"I was not elected", Prez Shrub / ChoicePoint = electronic JimCrow

Something eerie on this thread a-reaking

can hardly keep my soul from "eek-ing"

of posts from one called Fnordy Fudge

has crowned herself the Burm/Shave Judge!

(gee, kinda reminds me of King George - Burmashave!) 
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Fnord- 11:10 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #171 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

I call 'em like I see (read) them. Others are free to add their two bits. No self-appointer arbiter, me. But I know what I like. (And, in the final analysis, aren't all opinions ultimately the opinion holder's passing of judgment on whatever the subject is?)

The karma's getting think
The hides are getting thin
Some people can't abide the fact
That Algore may not win.

Gorey Shave 
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Catherine Danielson - 11:31 am PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #172 of 247
To see the shocking evidence of vote fraud in Tennessee...http://www.nashvilleinsanity.com.

Voter fraud did happen
In Nashville, Tennessee
"You won't get away with it"
Sez NAACP.

I should know, too, since I met with them yesterday, and lemme tell you... Republicans should pray for a hand recount. If Bush gets in he WILL be impeached and thrown out. The evidence of racist voter fraud from TENNESSEE ALONE would be enough. 
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C.B. Hagman - 03:10 pm PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #173 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

"Stop them before

they count votes again!"

Said all daddy's minions

And the Austin dauphin.

Burma Shave.
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juliajenniegillespie- 03:14 pm PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #174 of 247
"I was not elected", Prez Shrub / ChoicePoint = electronic JimCrow

Voter fraud did happen In Nashville, Tennessee "You won't get away with it" Sez NAACP.
Yay, Catherine!!! Thank you! 
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juliajenniegillespie- 03:16 pm PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #175 of 247
"I was not elected", Prez Shrub / ChoicePoint = electronic JimCrow

Some people can't abide the fact That Algore may not win.
ooooooooo, Fnordy, hit a nerve, did I? Good. 
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JohnFFF- 05:36 pm PST - Nov 15, 2000  - #176 of 247
"His sexual fantasy is to have some" - Johnny Carson

Gore found out on Election night

Whoever said "life's unfair" was right

Now we're stuck with that smirking monkey

I feel skunky

==============================================

Appeals almost exhausted, the deadline's at hand

Gore will have to wait to make another stand

Meanwhile the victor crows "That's President Chimp to you!"

...well, poo

===============================================

Bush squeaks in

By the closest of calls

Now I'll have to move to Canada

And prob'ly freeze my balls


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C.B. Hagman - 01:18 pm PST - Nov 17, 2000  - #177 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

The resolution is coming

And we feel sick in our vitals.

And Bush ex-Cabinet officials

Wave around their ex-titles.

Burma Shave.
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Caitlin Griswold - 10:47 am PST - Nov 18, 2000  - #178 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Kasparov lost

To IBM

Has nothing on

Those Luddite Dems.

Burma shave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 10:49 am PST - Nov 18, 2000  - #179 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"We're moving up!

We've picked the drapes!

That other side

Is just sour grapes."

Burma shave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 12:04 pm PST - Nov 18, 2000  - #180 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

What futile endeavor

To troll for truth

Where Ponce de Leon

Mislaid his youth

Didn'tshave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 12:17 pm PST - Nov 18, 2000  - #181 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"Military votes!

We're in tomorrow

Wading ashore

Like Don Pizarro."

Didn't shave either. 
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Zee Miller - 07:25 pm PST - Nov 20, 2000  - #182 of 247

Katherine Harris

revives a fashion trend:

makes a Spotty coat

from man's best friend.

BowWow Shave

Zee 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:18 am PST - Nov 21, 2000  - #183 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Cruella DeVille!

Cruella DeVille!

If she doesn't scare you

No evil thing will!

Oops! I thought this was the Mickey Mouse Club Karaoke Thread. Sorry. 
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D H100 - 07:41 am PST - Nov 21, 2000  - #184 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

C.B. Hagman 11/21/00 7:18am

Great tagline, BTW... and quite appropos. 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:44 am PST - Nov 21, 2000  - #185 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Thank you. I like your tagline, too. 
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D H100 - 07:47 am PST - Nov 21, 2000  - #186 of 247
"Even if [Nader] did lie about it, so fucking what." - Formerly 'pure', and now thoroughly corrupt Naderites on TT (actual quote)

C.B. Hagman 11/21/00 7:44am

Yeah, but I didn't come up with mine... Rick Robinson did. 
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Dean Falcione - 08:52 pm PST - Nov 21, 2000  - #187 of 247
Al Gore - The People's President

The man the GOP hates,
when there's no one else to call..
Mr. Boies took down Bill Gates
and he'll take down Dubya, y'all
 
 

Burma Shave 
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C.B. Hagman - 01:47 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #188 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Is Cheney's ticker

Starting to tock?

Bush says things are just grand

But let's ask the doc.

Burma Shave.
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Caitlin Griswold - 04:21 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #189 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

To whine and smirk

Till blood congeals

a process known as

"Bush appeals."

Bummer shave 
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Fnord- 04:33 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #190 of 247
Fee Simple Absolut -- The vodka for Swedish property owners

The court is there
Like Gore's big brother
To ensure his win
One way or t'other.

Kaiser Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 06:13 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #191 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

With Florida's water

The effect varies

A tainted court

Pure secretaries.

Bummer shave 
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Liam Wescott - 06:19 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #192 of 247
Gore won the popular vote; Bush won the unpopular vote

Floridians voted,
Shrub didn't care.
His brother fixed it,
Shrub's full of air!

Bummer Shave! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 07:40 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #193 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Dimples, alert:

Chads in a row!

Don't risk being tossed

For one no-show.

Binary shave. 
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(Deleted message originally posted by Zee Miller on 07:47 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000)

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Zee Miller - 07:50 pm PST - Nov 22, 2000  - #195 of 247

W is for Win at all costs

He said trust the people!

Give the states power!

Behind machines and federal courts

he now has to cower.

Wimpy Shave 
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Clifton McCarthy - 03:48 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #196 of 247
Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

spiff - 03:41 pm PST - Oct 22, 2000 - #38 of 195

Those uninformed say Gore's smart

but his Graduate scores weren't worth a fart.

Gore graduated
with all Honors bright
But Bush's lies
spewed day and night

Gore never flunked
Divinity school
Just found his sermons
Caused sleep as a rule

An honor student

was Al Gore
Passed his test
and what is more

Harvards test
The Bar in Boston
while Bush made rounds
of Bars in Austin. 
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Tina Kramer - 07:26 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #197 of 247
Put Marvin Miller in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Clifton, Gore did not pass the bar in Boston. He quit law school. He did not go to Harvard Law School; he went to Vanderbilt Law (the Divinity school he attended was also at Vanderbilt). He did graduate with honors from Harvard University.

Quit lying please. 
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Clifton McCarthy - 07:31 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #198 of 247
Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

Look at Biography show on A&E channel look at the Gore biography and you will find out, though you may not know it, you are the one, Tina dear, spreading lies.

Gore roommate at Harvard Was Tommy Lee Jones

 Bush has spread this lie throughout the election and now the lie on Burma Shave signs. He did pass the Bar in Boston after graduating from Harvard law school. 
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Zee Miller - 07:31 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #199 of 247

Tina's Truths

come just in time

but next go round

make them rhyme

Burma Thread 
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Clifton McCarthy - 07:35 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #200 of 247
Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

Tina lies and
doesn't know it
Zee chips in
To try and blow it.

But the truth
is on the web
The first liars
Name is Jeb

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Zee Miller - 07:47 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #201 of 247

Rocky Road

There are degrees of truth

but facts are few:

We can all agree

who went to Whattsamatta U!

Burma Push come to Shove 
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Tina Kramer - 07:47 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #202 of 247
Put Marvin Miller in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

I've read the Gore biography

His roommate was Jones, Tommy Lee

At Harvard University

Not the law school, check again and see.

Gore biography from A&E
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Clifton McCarthy - 08:01 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #203 of 247
Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

I bless those
who do correct me

 It was not Law
But Goverment
A major(pun intended) mistake
Which I repent
That's what I saw
from what you sent.

 But you will see that Gore did shine
With honors, Harvard '69
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Tina Kramer - 10:09 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #204 of 247
Put Marvin Miller in the Baseball Hall of Fame.

Yes, he did.

There is no doubt.

And the important thing is

Both you and I want to keep Bush out!

Happy Thanskgiving, Clifton. Even though I holler at you a lot, we're on the same side! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 11:05 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #205 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"We like it rusty...

Not NO crown,

Damn it, Al, put

The Brillo down."

Bummer shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 03:00 pm PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #206 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"We claim this land...

Miami Dade!" --

Whooops, other card --

"The Everglaaaaaaaa..."

Bummer shave 
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Ann EO - 03:26 pm PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #207 of 247
I"The Washington Monument appeared ghostly through the gloom" 1/20/01 WP D. Milbank__ L-OATH-E of Officee

The court is there like Bushies little brother

Toensure his theft

For Kaiser Brains Bereft

Skull and Bones taken to the grave

Ballot shave 
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Ann EO - 03:34 pm PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #208 of 247
I"The Washington Monument appeared ghostly through the gloom" 1/20/01 WP D. Milbank__ L-OATH-E of Officee

To quick to call a liar

When hearing from an ally

Lay back, tary and tally

We crush the same demon of

The Truth...Wave 
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Leo Carr - 03:54 pm PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #209 of 247
OBSERVATIONS OF A "LURKER"

Now this gentleman is an undiscovered genius.

"Clifton McCarthy - 07:49 am PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #22 of 30

Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

Leo? Scrollin' Scrollin' Scrollin'

Though the thread is swollen

With the freeper trollin'

Keep that mouse wheel rollin'

Rawhide. "

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Clifton McCarthy - 04:14 pm PST - Nov 23, 2000  - #210 of 247
Dade Absentee ballot count shows monkeys at the Miami Zoo voted for George "the Chimp" Bush. Miami Zoo used as absentee ballot address on bogus ballots.

I did not write Rawhide
Who did is on the genius side
He kept the dogies rollin'
Salon keeps the poster's scrollin"
 
 

I bless those that correct me
Tina Kramer does respect me
I tis a fool forsooth
That will curse the gift of truth

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C.B. Hagman - 10:56 am PST - Nov 24, 2000  - #211 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

The TT crowd

Can hold conversation

In Burma Shavese.

Man! This is a great nation.
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Caitlin Griswold - 12:00 pm PST - Nov 24, 2000  - #212 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Still warming up
A little flat;
Sings "Me - me - me -"

But she ain't so fat.

Brava shave 
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Zee Miller - 12:23 pm PST - Nov 25, 2000  - #213 of 247

(Good one, Caitlin!)

Bail-Boards

He put a bandaid

on his pimple,

To fix a Gore

is not so simple.

Two votes in the Bush

are worth one command

from the Supreme Court

to our Dizzy-land.

Let Poetic Justice

set the eximple

can't smile, by George!,

without a dimple.

Zee 
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Mike Corrigan - 02:53 pm PST - Nov 27, 2000  - #214 of 247
Bush family barbecue: gang-dang

(Uncertain Certification)

Kathleen Harris made
The Dems so mad ó oh,
Such a close shave
From 5 o'clock chad-o!

Burma Shave 
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Dan Sikorski - 03:20 pm PST - Nov 30, 2000  - #215 of 247
We get the government we deserve. Whether this is good or bad remains to be seen.

Dubya Bush won?

He don't doubt it

If he's so sure

Why not count it?

Fairness Shave
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Caitlin Griswold - 04:58 am PST - Dec 3, 2000  - #216 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"Sit on my lap, dear,

Closure nears..."

"But Grandma, your teeth are

Something fierce."

Red-Riding Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 05:00 am PST - Dec 3, 2000  - #217 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"We counted twice.

They don't agree.

Hey, when do I get

My math degree?"

Bummer shave. 
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ed scarbrough - 05:39 am PST - Dec 3, 2000  - #218 of 247
His Fraudulencey recapitulates the Plutocracy

Boil Boy

And Cardiac Kid

We know no joy

When we watch the vid.

Bushie Knave 
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C. A. Fox - 01:37 am PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #219 of 247
John Ashcroft + Wesson oil = self-basting turkey / Ever notice how much George W. Bush resembles Alfred E. Newman?

We got a Shrub And I'm so livid Got my rhetorical bushwacker Got me some trimmin'.

Shrubya Shave 
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C. A. Fox - 01:40 am PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #220 of 247
John Ashcroft + Wesson oil = self-basting turkey / Ever notice how much George W. Bush resembles Alfred E. Newman?

Shrub thinks he's so hot;
That's one of my fears -
Last time we followed a burning Bush,
We were in the desert 40 years.

Shrubya Shave 
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C. A. Fox - 01:42 am PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #221 of 247
John Ashcroft + Wesson oil = self-basting turkey / Ever notice how much George W. Bush resembles Alfred E. Newman?

"How much trouble can a Shrub be?"
I've got some bad news.
The roots get into the septic system-
Releasing toxic ooze.

Shrubya Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 08:52 am PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #222 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

To an Orange:

Your blossoms look sweet

On a wedding veil

But not so neat

Tied to Dubya's tail

Bummer shave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 10:34 am PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #223 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"Grace we approve,

And politesse.

Now move -- so we

Can spray the mess."

Gooper Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 07:13 pm PST - Dec 7, 2000  - #224 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"Lawyers, avaunt!

The count we prize

Came from a machine

Not your lying eyes."

Techno shave 
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C.B. Hagman - 02:47 pm PST - Dec 8, 2000  - #225 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Last time we followed a burning Bush

We were in the desert 40 years.

LOL! 
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Caitlin Griswold - 08:11 pm PST - Dec 8, 2000  - #226 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Joe Lieberman

Does not do pork.

Thanks anyway,

But -- keep the fork.

Shabbos shave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 08:13 pm PST - Dec 8, 2000  - #227 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Down to the wire --

This race may trip 'er.

I say, let's win

This one for Tipper.

Flotus Shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 08:34 pm PST - Dec 8, 2000  - #228 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

More lawsuits? Paging

David Boies

Plus forty score of

Shabbos goys.

Deadline shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 02:35 pm PST - Dec 9, 2000  - #229 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"Woodman, spare that Shrub!
Touch not a single Chad!
I plan to keep this job --
I owe it to his Dad."

Dub Ya Shave 
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C.B. Hagman - 03:14 pm PST - Dec 14, 2000  - #230 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

Scalia decreed our doom, our fate,

And now begins the "transition."

Smirk and Cheney stand over us all

And order us to assume the position.

Burma Shave.
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C.B. Hagman - 03:50 pm PST - Dec 14, 2000  - #231 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

In the name of all

That's sacred and holy

Please! No more

Of Candy Crowley.

Burma Shave.
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Caitlin Griswold - 05:33 pm PST - Dec 18, 2000  - #232 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

George wants to "dictate";

Guess he should

'Cuz his speling's

Not so good.

Bummer shave. 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:00 am PST - Dec 19, 2000  - #233 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

The Shrubster waxes

All warm and fuzzy.

Alas, he seems

A tad too scuzzy.

Burma Shave.
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Erik the Bloodaxe - 06:24 pm PST - Dec 19, 2000  - #234 of 247
George W. Bush: A President in His Own Mind

I voted for Gore
Don't like the thief!
But it didn't matter
Supremes made him Chief!

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Caitlin Griswold - 09:16 pm PST - Dec 19, 2000  - #235 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

The Five Supremes

Are Shrubber's heroes;

He doesn't have

To count in zeroes.

Bummer Shave. 
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C.B. Hagman - 07:25 am PST - Dec 20, 2000  - #236 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

"Don't forget; hire the vet!"

The ad of yore did tell.

But the Army vet's out and AWOL is in

In a strange Republican hell.
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Caitlin Griswold - 11:39 am PST - Dec 24, 2000  - #237 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Down Florida way
The fog is clearin'
Over the White house
Re-appearin'
The 'Pubs yell "Freeze!"
The Dems get warm,
Could we foresee
The perfect Storm?

"Tommorrow is
another Day."
as they say in the Good'ol'
CSA. "

And a Happy Yuletide, y'all. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 07:36 pm PST - Dec 24, 2000  - #238 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

We can't move fast enough
To fix 'em?" Cries
Christie Toad, "I say,
Deep six'em!"

Bury shave... 
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Erik the Bloodaxe - 06:10 pm PST - Dec 30, 2000  - #239 of 247
George W. Bush: A President in His Own Mind

UnPresident Bush
He can't be trusted!
Through his evil smirk
The truth was busted!

Bummer Shave!

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Caitlin Griswold - 11:57 pm PST - Dec 31, 2000  - #240 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

A Toast For the New Year:

We all may forgive..
Some sleepless nights
But not the theft
Of our voting rights.

Never surrender
Never never
Never never.
Never.

apologies to Winston Chuchill, wherever he may be...
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C.B. Hagman - 09:32 am PST - Jan 2, 2001  - #241 of 247
Actually, when you get right down to it, Bob Jones University and John Ashcroft have shown greater hostility to Catholicism than either James Hormel or the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence have.

"President-elect Bush"

And "transition team"

Purrs every Republican shill.

But the votes still get counted,

And Al Gore is up

By only half a mil.
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Caitlin Griswold - 07:11 pm PST - Jan 12, 2001  - #242 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Note for budding poets! Check out the Slate "Compose a poem for the Inaugural" contest! <http://slate.msn.com/code/chatterbox/chatterbox.asp?Show=1/12/2001&idMessage=6863>

. It should capture the majestic, soaring promise of the new president and the coming four years. Any form of poetry is welcome--including haiku, limerick, sonnet, epic, and, the president-elect's own favorite, blank verse
Deadline is Wednesday Jan 17. 
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Erik the Bloodaxe - 12:37 pm PST - Jan 15, 2001  - #243 of 247
George W. Bush: A President in His Own Mind

After eight years as Prez
Bill Clinton now leaves us
He turns over the office
To a total ignoramus!

Bummer Shave! 

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Caitlin Griswold - 12:44 pm PST - Jan 15, 2001  - #244 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

The drapes are all hung
By the office, with care;
Of legal incumbents
It's soon to be bare.

Spectre shave 
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Caitlin Griswold - 06:10 am PST - Jan 20, 2001  - #245 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Results of Slate's inaugural poetry contest
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Caitlin Griswold - 06:43 pm PST - Jan 23, 2001  - #246 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

"They said, "Safe Harbor"--

Round the bend.

When will the protest

Ever end?"

Bummer shave. 
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Caitlin Griswold - 09:09 am PST - Jan 30, 2001  - #247 of 247
Lost her job at the M & M factory, supervisor caught her tossing out all the little "Dubyas"

Roses are red

Salon is wiggers

Just waiting to die

While it reconfigures.

we now return to our regularly scheduled ranting.
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